Mid-Life Crises

So, two things happened today that I thought deserved some "blogging time." I was on my way to pick up Abby after work and saw three pre-teen girls at the crosswalk on State & South Temple. They were probably around 12-13 years old and were just normal little girls, probably on their way home from school. I was sitting at the red light looking at them and wondering if their moms were worried about them, coming home through downtown all by themselves and how pretty soon I would be that mom, worried about Abby making her way home from school alone. Then, tonight on our way home from Riverdale, Abby & I were listening to Ben Folds (a favorite for us both) and heard the lyric from "Still Fighting It"..."everybody knows it hurts to grow up, but everybody does" and suddenly it hit me...maybe the reason we haven't been able to have another baby is because I probably couldn't handle all this growing up! Having Abby start kindergarten has awakened so many things for me...all conflicting emotions. I am unbeliveably proud of her -- how smart she is, how capable and independent, how much she knows about the world already, but I am also mourning the loss of baby Abby, 18-month-old Abby and all the things I didn't get to do with her. Of course, the "working mom guilt" is probably ten millions times more than it usually is and I find myself stopping several times during the morning and wondering what she is doing at kindergarten. I think if we had more kids, this would just be compounded to the point that I just might have a mid-life crises! I wonder if all moms feel this way, even moms who get to stay home. Probably, right? Just part of the fun of being a mom. In tribute to the Abby of the past...here she is, the summer before I went back to work. She was and still is the best thing on the planet!